Food

More wild animals die as roadkill than from hunting or pollution. That's where most rednecks get their dinner. I digress... 

Roadkill cuisine is preparing and eating roadkill, animals hit by vehicles and found along roads. 

It is a practice engaged in by a small subculture in the United States, Southern Canada, the United Kingdom and other Western countries as well as in other parts of the world. It is also a subject of humor and urban legend. But in this article, I will be serious....mostly.

Large animals including deer, moose, bear and elk are frequently struck in some parts of North America, as well as smaller animals such as armadillos, raccoons, skunks and birds. Fresh kill is preferred and worms are a concern, so the kill is typically well cooked. Advantages of the roadkill diet, apart from its low cost, are that the animals that roadkill scavengers eat are naturally high in vitamins and proteins with lean meat and little saturated fat, and generally free of additives and drugs. 

Almost 1.5 million deer are hit by vehicles each year in the USA. If the animal is not obviously suffering from disease, the meat is no different from that obtained by hunting. The practice of eating roadkill is legal, and even encouraged in some jurisdictions, while it is tightly controlled or restricted in other areas. Roadkill eating is considered unglamorous and mocked in pop culture, as it is often associated with stereotypes ofrednecks and uncouth persons. Hey, I resemble that remark! 

It's illegal to pick up roadkill. Texas Parks and Wildlife has told me (direct quote from correspondence)

Let's start with this: If you want to eat road kill, you should be allowed to eat road kill. And with the blessing of the state of Texas. 

Unfortunately for the protein-short masses of Texans driving interstates, suburban and rural roads, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department (TPWD) has a zero-tolerance policy on picking up dead animals on the highway: No time, no place, no way. No kidding. 

Game warden Major David Sinclair, chief of fisheries and wildlife enforcement at TPWD, sums it up this way: "No person may possess a game animal or game bird unless the animal or bird is reduced to possession by lawfully killing on lands where the hunter has permission to hunt."

Meaning, if you had a hunting license when you killed it and you were in a place where hunting is allowed, it's yours. If not, mitts off. 

"There is no open season for game animals or game birds on a public roadway; therefore, a game animal or game bird may not be killed and lawfully possessed on a public road or right-of-way," Sinclair said. In other words, don't be picking up squirrels, skunks, foxes, cats, beavers, badgers, coyotes, raccoons, possums, ducks or any other game animal. 

"The possession of other nongame critters such as rabbits and armadillos are not included, except that they may not be hunted on a public road or rights-of-way," Sinclair clarifies.

All of this is pretty clear, and yet, it still seems a shame for people not to be able to pick up a deer that's been recently killed and put it to good use, if they want to. The slaughter of deer and other animals on our highways is huge, maybe not as large as the legal take during hunting season, but huge nonetheless.

Some states do allow folks to claim carcasses from the road. The basic rule is that the person claiming the carcass must call a game warden or other state official, who then checks out the dead animal, makes sure it died accidentally and issues a permit for possession.

With several hundred thousand miles of streets, roads and highways in Texas, there could be some problems getting a game warden to a road kill site quickly. Col. Peter Flores, chief of law enforcement at TPWD, puts it this way: "(It is) logistically problematic for a limited force to be going from call to call providing documentation for road kill."

I have just one question: Who cares? 

Some folks will say we have to make sure the animals are not being hunted illegally. I'm trying to imagine a hunter seeing an animal on the road and either (1) stopping, getting out and shooting the animal, or (2) deliberately running it over just for the meat or trophy.

Some folks say we have to protect species of concern. That wouldn't be white-tailed deer. 

Deer long ago ceased to be a species of concern. We have so many now that the state has, through Managed Lands Deer Permits, done away with the need for license tags on many ranches. If there's a management problem with deer it's that we have too many. That's why so many of them wind up losing one-on-one with a truck on the highway or the family car in the neighbourhood. 

And some folks have public health concerns. As Sinclair said, "Was the health of game animal or game bird good enough for human consumption?"

I think we should be a little more tolerant about this. Let people pick up dead animals if they wish. Make it illegal to sell the meat or to do anything with it other than take it home for personal consumption. Retain the same penalties for poaching or road hunting that we have now, along with requirements that the person who claims a carcass must report it to a local game warden office within 24 hours. 

If we do that, we may have fewer animals on the road and some record of how many might have been picked up.

Law enforcement will still be able to put the hammer down on anyone found in possession of a deer head or carcass without having reported it or with a bullet hole behind the shoulder.

And someone may have venison for dinner.

I do find that there is no gamey taste can be overcome with the right amount of spices.

Here are a few, of my personal favourite, Roadkill recipes.

Now, if you can’t borrow skull press from Kenneth (30 Rock) try Slow Cooked Squirrel:

INGREDIENTS

2 squirrels - skinned, gutted, and cut into pieces

4 large potatoes, quartered

1 pound carrots, chopped

1 green bell pepper, chopped

4 onions, sliced

1/4 medium head cabbage2 cups water

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS

Sure, we are greatly saddened by how many of our furry little friends we see flattened along our roadways on a typical daily drive to work. In a well-intentioned effort to turn those frowns around, I have proposed a tasteful end for those unfortunate creatures who wanted nothing more in life than to learn what might lie on the other side of the road. I think that they would have wanted it that way.

Here are a few more recipes that were dictated to me over lunch...in Texas....

Raccoon Kabobs
(Also known as "Ringtail Surprise"): 

Two pounds, reasonably fresh raccoon, cut into one-inch cubes; one-half cup homemade French dressing; two green peppers, cut into squares; one large onion, cut into one-inch pieces; one-third pound mushroom caps.

Place raccoon cubes in a ceramic bowl and pour dressing over cubes. Let marinate two or more hours. Remove cubes, reserving marinade. Alternate raccoon cubes with pepper squares, onion pieces and mushroom caps on skewers. Brush all with reserved marinade and broil over hot coals until done to desired degree. Turn frequently and baste with marinade as needed. Serves six.

Moose-and-Squirrel Meat Balls
(Especially useful recipe if main ingredients have been dead for 24 or more hours before harvested): 

Three pounds, ground moose and squirrel, any proportion; six slices soft white bread; one-half cup water; one-third cup butter; one-and-one-third cups chopped onion; salt and freshly ground black pepper; two tablespoons chopped parsley; two tablespoons flour; one-and-one-half cups milk.

Soak bread in water five minutes. Squeeze excess water out. Melt four tablespoons butter in skillet. Sauté onion in butter until tender. Combine moose and squirrel meat, squeezed bread, four teaspoons salt, one-half teaspoon pepper and parsley. Form mixture into one-inch balls. Chill twenty minutes. Heat remaining butter in skillet. Brown moose-and-squirrel balls on all sides. Cover skillet and cook slowly 15 minutes. Remove balls to warm platter. Sprinkle flour over skillet droppings. Stir and cook one minute. Stir in milk and bring to boil. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Return moose-and-squirrel balls to skillet. Simmer four minutes. Serves eight

Pennsylvania Possum Pot Pie 
(Often served to unsuspecting bed-and-breakfast tourists in Amish country):

Five-pound possum, cut into serving pieces; water; salt; 12 peppercorns; two ribs celery, chopped; two carrots, quartered; one onion; two cups flour; four egg yolks; six tablespoons hot water

Place possum in kettle. Add water to cover, salt to taste, peppercorns, celery, carrots and onion. Simmer until possum is thoroughly tender, about two hours. Strain broth and pour into clean kettle. Simmer while preparing remaining ingredients. Remove possum from bones. Discard bones and skin. Cut possum into bite-size pieces. Sift flour and one-half teaspoon salt together onto board. Make well in center and put egg yolks into it. Gradually work yolks into flour until stiff dough is formed, adding hot water as needed. Knead until smooth, about five minutes. Cut dough in half. Roll each half until paper thin. Cut dough into noodles about one inch wide. Add possum to simmering broth. Gradually add noodles. Continue boiling until noodles are done, about five minutes.

Serves eight to twelve.

Skunk Skillet Stew
 (A sensory entree, not recommended for the weak-stomached):

Two adult skunks, skinned, deboned and shredded; save scent sacs and set aside; one-fourth cup oil; one-fourth cup butter; two cups finely chopped celery; one-fourth cup finely chopped parsley; two cloves garlic, finely minced; one bay leaf; two carrots, chopped; two tablespoons flour; one cup beef broth; one cup dry red wine; three tablespoons cognac; one pound ripe, red tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped; salt and freshly ground pepper to taste; juice of half-lemon; one-fourth teaspoon nutmeg; one cup Madeira wine.  

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In large skillet, brown skunk well in oil and butter; add carrots and stir until lightly browned. Sprinkle with flour. Add broth as needed when mixture starts to brown. Stir to dissolve brown particles. Add remaining broth, red wine, cognac, tomatoes, salt and pepper. Place in oven, cover and bake three hours. Strain gravy, pressing as much of cooked vegetable mixture as possible through sieve. Bring strained mixture to boil. Add lemon juice, nutmeg, Madeira. Carefully puncture scent sacs and add fluids to mixture. Simmer five minutes. Pour sauce over skunk. Serves eight."